This Life - Death of the Gravedigger by Carlos Schwabe Source public domain
Image: Death of the Gravedigger, Carlos Schwabe Public domain Wikimedia

This Life

I am not so very fond of this life

and yet, I am not so eager to die

—thus I tempt Angel’s eternal pleasure

tho’ my soul. . . ‘tis Her trivial measure

so I linger, another day deprived

wrung by the death She arranged, tho’ denied

No! I’m not so very fond of this life

its cruel injustice—my solemn disdain

tho’ reasons I long for life still remain—

yet, I’m not so very fond of this life

~Peter Schreiner


  1. The words fit beautifully with the painting Peter, and the sadness hits home too, partly due to the writing, partly due to the link. How heavy our hearts are at times when we reflect upon the pain humanity inflicts upon other life. I too am often, not so very fond of this life. But remain, like you, I shall.

    • sonmi upon the Cloud

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Thank you for this poem. It was thought provoking, deep and has ‘literal’ meaning for many of us.

    …and I will just add that with all that is wrong in our shared world and with so many battles to be fought, we grow weary. And yet, we struggle on. We sigh. We cry. We scream and yet, we must carry on so long as hearts continue to beat. Yes, these are indeed, troubled times, for ‘humans’ and for animals.

    Stay strong,

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Embracing the duality… there is a beautiful lightness to the darkness and vice versa that I’m getting in your poem. Death personally scares me… I know it’s an inevitable part but still. I also love that this post came out during the holiday season… I just do.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. If we are spirit encapsulated in finite earthly bodies….if there is no beginning and ending to time…if time is a human illusion…if universes parallel each other…if there is no good and evil, but only varying degrees of darkness and light, then our earthly lives are less than a blip of what we have experienced and what we have yet to experience…. and the exit of this earthly life is simply a nano-second of a step…..from here….to there.

    As always, Peter, your writing is such a catalyst for thought. You are a rare and yet undiscovered gem . . . a gift to many. Please keep writing. Those of us who are nourished by your work cannot be defined by the label “the choir,” your messages are not “sermons” lost in a meaningless vortex. Your work/gift is bearing fruit as you challenge others toward deeper, more meaningful thought. The “others” are carrying this with them and touching other lives. None of your output is returning void.

    We are not in this alone. I see you. Your LIGHT glows powerfully. Avoid the “dimmer-switch” and continue to be the Rock Star, you are. Transmit.

    MANY Blessings!

    ~ Gerean

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your blessings, Gerean and your words too kind. Your portrait of spirit encapsulated bodies resonates soundly viable, warmly so, encouraging my spirit.

      I suppose as long as I am able to find expression with words for those imprisoned in this raging hell of man-unkind, I’ll write.

      Again, thank you and ditto the blessings.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Peter~ An afterthought caused by the end of your response: “….for those imprisoned in this raging hell of man-unkind,….”

        I wonder if it is possible to by focusing mega-intensely ONLY on the LIGHT and all that is of beauty/love/peace, that we might influence/generate/create majority-like LIGHT, the outcome being the retreat of the minority-like darkness, gradually eliminating that which is “hell” (on Earth). Hmmm…….. it is possible that we who carry the LIGHT, hold the power to shift the world toward compassion-based living, but we are not yet fully-aware/conscious of the magnitude nor the extent of our power. (Fun thought experiment). ~ G

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I can try, and I do focus, on the light. But, Gerean, you must know that not all that is in me is light. I’ve a demon shackled and locked away. Securely it be, although it rages and rears with a futile anger whenever I’m aware of the confinement, torture, and abuse of innocent creatures. And I am aware a lot. It has—I have, no love for the perpetrators nor the instigators, it possesses only contempt for the vile. And it must surely shadow that of true light.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. If there is darkness in you . . . and in me . . . and there is . . . then there must be a modicum of light in “them.” If you can call upon your dark side to lead you to/though the battle in righteous indignation, then perhaps “they” can call upon their light side to lead them out of the Hells of their own makings. It’s not so much about the light and the dark that is inside of us all, rather how we choose to respond to/with the light and dark inside of us. Love this kind of dialogue. ~ G

            Liked by 1 person

            1. It is logical. And I can see that it must be, perhaps even in all but the most evil, but then how to release it. That reminds me.

              I had a conversation today with a longtime associate, Art. He is a friendly senior gentleman. Art is a Christian, and his wife has a ministry that travels to Uganda (I believe Uganda) where they of course minister the Gospel (I try not to hold that against him, for they mean well and they do provide necessities for the needy). During our conversation came a point that I had an opportunity to commend him on the good they are doing for the children. I told him, wouldn’t it be great to teach them compassion too, for the animals. At which point, I told him I was vegan and animal rights activist.

              He got the look in his face that people get when you tell them you’re vegan, and turned quiet, but I could see he was still receptive. He told me his pastor was vegan, which took me by surprise. We talked a good deal more about the animals, environment, and healthy living. He left with something I know he’ll think on; something that gives your logic credence.

              Liked by 1 person

              1. It is amazing how influential compassionate communicators can be. In my past I was an executive for the Oregon DOJ. One of my responsibilities was to form and direct groups (then called “think tanks” that translated/wrote legislation to law to statute to rule to guideline to sixth grade English. In the process I realized how much more (broadly) influential I could be when I was able to analyze the communication level of each individual I was speaking with and meet them where they stood ~ instead of expecting them to meet me at my level. This is true when communicating with people from different culture, background, social “status,” age, belief system, etc. What I have discovered in terms of influence, specifically when discussing speciesism/veganism, is that if I steer all pathways of the conversation back to compassionate choice, it either short-circuits all debate, influences change of thinking, or the other(s) end the conversation, but with a newly convicted heart, mind and/or spirit.

                Another very active vegan/animal rights activist that I regularly connect with, has drawn a following of Christians who initially began dialogue with him with the intention of backing him into a corner on the subjects of man’s “dominion” over the animals and related subjects. My friend, who is incredibly well-educated in theology, has been instrumental in “converting” literally hundreds of others, not away from their belief systems, but in leading them toward a baseline life philosophy of living in the light: Empathy, compassion, kindness, gentleness, grace, mercy, peace and love as the RULES for living, despite one’s individual belief system/religion. All major religions teach the foundation of these principles of light, yet many fail to recognize that LIFE includes all sentient beings and that any act of cruelty to those who suffer, throws their belief system on it’s hind-quarters. My friend is constantly sculpting and improving his skills in communicating to these groups and I am amazed as I witness so many who were once adversaries, now changing their lives toward veganism and finding it does not take away one iota from their personal belief systems.

                Remember when I commented that on Thanksgiving, I had to go watch friends and family devour a sentient, living being? On that day, (as is always the case), somebody tries to call me out about being vegan, by saying something like, “How can you live without eating meat?” I don’t allow myself to get drug into debate. I simply respond this way, “At the point that I could not longer look at “meat” without recognizing that it was once a living, breathing, feeling being, like me, the question became….how can I live another day eating another?” The table goes dead-quiet and often, more than one person, glances down at their plate, then refuses to finish what is on their plate. One-by-one, I am witnessing people make monumental changes, turning from violence, because of the influence that non-violent, compassionate-based vegans (of all types) have in convicting the minds/hearts/spirits of others who respond to even the tiniest ray of LIGHT. In this sense, vegan activists are at the highest level of missionary status. 🙂

                Thank you for sharing the story above. Thank you for ALWAYS providing thought-provoking dialogue. I appreciate it. If you ever decide to start a Community vegan/activist page on Facebook, I’d love to connect you with other activists (many are not bloggers), I know who are very much of like mind as you (and me). I can imagine us all spring-boarding off each other in our attempts to reach/influence the widest-global human numbers possible.


                ~ Gerean

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  5. I refuse to shop at Walmart and don’t shop there. The video gave me even more reasons to keep not shopping there.

    The damned store uses recirculated air with stinky, cheap perfume in it as an additive, gives people asthma attacks, and triggers chemical sensitivity, big time.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I speak for many who are fond of you…your words, your visionary thinking, your moral clarity. All who think deeply suffer for it. This is a beautiful poem, I can’t imagine the pain that engendered it, Peter.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Jeff, for your kind words.

      Yes, the compassionate contemplative life, choosing empathy over apathy, question over acceptance (if in fact these are free choices and not some entrusted inheritance). To uncover the deceptions of the elites’ devise, atrocities so cleverly secreted through the ages carries for us equal measure of the darkness of depression and the radiance of enlightenment; and perhaps even a pinch of danger thrown in the mix for knowing what we know. But now you’ve gone and inspired yet another poetic drivel: 🙂

      Easier for those who choose ignorance
      knowing not to know stays deliverance
      to never venture beyond illusion
      to trust the authoritarian way
      is the way to silence disillusion


  7. I thought I’d look you up, Peter.

    Your latest poem expressed just how I feel but for diiferent reasons.

    As one on the verge of homelessness (no ID and nowhere to go), I won’t be tucking into turkey and ham this Christmas (I realise that metaphor is lost here, but I can’t fathom ‘festive’ treats for vegans).

    My valiant fundraiser yielded nothing for me, but nothing for love, nothing at all and it makes me feel numb inside. People look the other way, wait for the “other man” so progress freezes…unless egged on incessantly by “popular” corporate media drive. It’s all “tax deductable”……

    This is the death of Christmas and the demise of hope.


    1. Sorry to hear you’ve fell on hard times, oz.

      I don’t think it so much people don’t care, but rather they don’t care to care. Those who would like to care can’t afford to care.

      But then I don’t need to tell you the reasons why, you’re more aware of those than myself, and I’m quite aware.

      I might ask how you’ve managed without an ID, but then that’s not any of my business, really. But how about your book? I’m still very anxious to read that, as I believe a few others are.

      I do hope you find your way out of the mire.


      1. My situation has been bad for some time. It has just adjusted to pernially bad.

        There are actually two problems with humanity (exposed by this).

        I think to compare humans with potatoes would be unfair. In festive flavour I see a resemblence to turkeys; incessantly gobbling, following the herd “with nowhere to go”.

        Jusaidism is actually a tradiong management system that builds in “morality” to condition human behaviours. All governments impose Judaic doctrine. Charity, social security and general support are seen as adjuncts of trade. Thus, everyone views me as a trading partner guided by the tenets of Jusaic morality.

        Corporate charities are driven by governements. They are also driven by fundamental drivers; advertising, internal/international trade and the “engagement” of commerce. People “give” rarely, but when they give it is to either those they “love” (a form of trade) or those they feel they need to support. Needs and reason vary, but they are always guided by Judaic moral trading principals.

        I asked for unconditional love and found a single contributor. In these challenging times people will be required to break etiquette, support unquestioningly and love if they desire to end their eternal enslavement. The system banks on its security by the behaviours of its brainwashed followers. By that token, if 100’s had given me donations, the system was destined to colapse. The exercise has shown it is as strong as always.

        One of the reasons I asked for donations was to test paypal. I think paypal works (though I have not checked the account yet). One segment of my book should be ready for release by next post. It is the introduction, but as a “bonus”, I decode existence (I assure you the answer is not 42). Under the Judaic system of commerce all will gladly donate to receive my book (if they think it is useful, fulfilling and so on and the price is not too prohibitive).


        1. Every weekday I walk two miles through downtown. And nearly everyday I’m accosted by someone asking for money. The stories of need vary, from I’m homeless and hungry and out of jail, to I need a drink. There’s only one honest story in the bunch, and so if I should give to any one of them, it is the one who needs a drink. And the reasons for this is in your comment itself, love. Should I give them money to eat on, then there’s the real possibility that they’ll buy animal foods, and I’ll not support that. You see Oz, I’m not only a vegan, I live a vegan, compassion is as compassion does. My desire in life is for the liberation of all species. I take my charge seriously, doing all I know to do while not breaking the laws of man. And the plight of humanity is solidly due to its heartless bloodlust desire, its insensitivity to love. And so, for each dollar that I might spare to human charities, I give to end the exploitation of animals.

          This is not to say I don’t help others, I do, just not with my money. Helping comes in a multitude of forms and sometimes by not giving, is the best help of all.


          1. I hear you, Peter.

            However this transcands logic. Let me give you a tiny preview of part of my book and may be you will understand:

            “The ancient Mars civilisations were not necessarily formally educated at all as a caste system was employed. The education that did take place was real education, such as methods equivalent to our Trivium (Logic, Grammar, and Arithmetic) but with absolute attention to individual discovery and internal development. Reductionist science and the cult of materialism [in our world] has outlawed perspective, when in fact, perspective is everything. The Martians knew that looking at the same thing in a different way created a different thing. Zetas have created a trademark from the management of perspective. The enigmatic Roswell stargate portal key and corresponding crop circle unifies the cycle dimensionally; the other side of the portal being a mirror of the one left behind. Portals, of course, can be activated only at a precise where and when. Fifth dimensional beings can smell these cracks. It is because modern humans lack essential perspective that we are so far behind our cosmic competitors. Our elite, in reality, act and behave like moronic troglodytes given wider perspective.”

            The arbitrary, conscious, loving, (destructively) wilful distibution (parting with) of money breaks its POWER. That power still has a grasp on, Peter, as mighty as you are….

            Liked by 1 person

            1. It does, yes. And I know not how to break its grasp as long as there are obligations. I don’t like it, but it is thus.

              Now, if we may, a toast to my appreciation. I don’t drink, of course, but a soda for me will do the same.


              1. Peter, if only we could encourage the wallflowers to do more than gawp,

                You have given pure spirit of the most intoxicating kind and I thank you from the top of my heart.

                I will drink and be merry…


                Merry, merry Xmas

                Liked by 1 person

  8. Awww man, that gave me the graveyard goosebumps, the childhood chills, the solemn sweat.. I could go on but coming soon is urine and after that, well…
    Really did like this, i don’t like this life but i don’t wanna die, mm, phrase, not my way then, very tired.

    Liked by 1 person

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