Manly-Man 101

Manly-Man LLC, Rednecksville, Ur County, USA

In the spirit of community service we here at Manly-Man proudly and freely present:

How to be a Manly-Man, 101.

Manly men, abuse their wives and children, in one form or another, take your pick, verbally, physically, but preferably both. Manly-men kick their dogs, and dump baby kittens alongside the highway or throw them off a bridge in a sack to drown helplessly in the frigid and swift water below. They murder the defenseless and vulnerable; large, small, it doesn’t matter, anything from a wren to an elephant, and call it sport. On holidays, they make drunken revelry and grill the flesh and entrails of these hunted and / or the farmed animals whilst consuming massive amounts of their favorite brew to fill their ever-expanding manly-man beer-bellies, which they display with shameless pride.

Then come nighttime, being the romantic manly-man that they are, though suffering from the years of manly-man meat-heavy diets they reach for their manly-man Viagra to erect their manly-man-part, due to a downright humiliating and not so manly-man condition known as E. D., erectile dysfunction — every manly-man’s worst nightmare. Oft times they blame this impotence on their partner. And, why not? This blame typically accompanies shouts and a rage meant to demean and belittle their partner as they slap “the bitch” about the face enforcing the notion that their feeble manhood is the bitch’s fault.

Manly-men paste rebel flags, Browning deer hunter logos, and / or Ranger Boat stickers on their loud and obnoxious smelly diesel manly-man pick-up trucks that sport a pair of manly-man chromed steel nutz swinging from the hitch. — At which point it’s safe to assume that their manly-man self-esteem and over compensation has reached incorrigible proportions. And that is exactly what we’re looking for in a manly-man. No ego can ever be considered too bloated for any manly-man worth his weight in Steel Scrotum™.

Manly-men, when they can wake up from a “helluva Saturday night,” go to church on Sunday and repeat tired rote slogans, such as, “Sweet baby Jesus! Our Father who art in heaven …” and “God, guns, guts, and country music set this country free, and God, guns, guts, and country music will keep it free, by damn.” Then to reinforce their manly-man god-fearing position, they go back into the woods to guzzle more beer where they shout obscenities as they crush a soft empty beer can with their bare hand and toss it in the brush then snort and spit. As the slobber run down their chin they wipe their sleeve across their mouth, pickup the .22-250 and chamber a round while making conscious effort to ensure the business end remains pointed away from them as they take shot at any nearby animal that by now, if they haven’t all been frightened off, appear double. Sometimes, as luck would have it, with staggering gait and blurred vision, they shoot one another, either a direct shot or one ricochet off their manly-man nutz that they mistook for a well-endowed squirrel making sport with their manly-man truck, “Motherfucker, would you look at that.” Boom!

Thus concludes Manly-Man 101. Stay tuned for the upcoming Manly-Man 102 where we’ll cover the importance of wearing your Mossy Oak camo underwear while watching NASCAR; give you three foolproof excuses for calling off work; show you proven techniques on how to inebriate and seduce your sister-in-law (video included), and we’ll review the intent and the spirit behind manly-man eXtreme Patriarchy®.

Until then, God bless.

All rights reserved © 2015 Manly-Man LLC

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Author: Peter Schreiner

Vegan, Anarchist, Writer, Poet. Planted on Planet Insanity. Poisoned by the wrath of humanity. Purpose, earthling liberation.

23 thoughts on “Manly-Man 101”

    1. Carol, I had this one on the back burner for a short time, and though I didn’t mention it, it was your post “Differential Power and Indian Child Welfare: Part One” that prompted me to finish it. My theory, you might say. I’ll watch the youtube link this evening.

      Chi Miigwetch

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Your voice on this topic is especially important, Peter, as a “member” (in some respects) of the group deservedly under your critical lens. I’m glad you decided to share your theory about manly men.

        I couldn’t help thinking about the way class status affects how masculine dominance is expressed… Some wield guns, others produce movies and legislation, and still others control banking. Yet the one thing that seems to cross classes and cultures is hunting – some for food (deer, rabbits, etc.), some for sport (foxes), some for economic reasons (rhinos and elephants), and some as trophies (grizzlies and lions).

        Liked by 3 people

  1. It would seem this is a description – a most humorous one at that – largely applicable to the North American Manly-Man Peter. Here in the U.K., where disingenuous civility is encouraged within and by those that consider themselves ‘well-bred’, the whole ‘manliness’ ethic is cloaked in the garb of ‘tradition’, wherein the well-bred patriarchy kill and abuse needlessly in the cause of maintaining said tradition. The well-bred British Manly-Man similarly attends his church, dutiful wife in toe, before perhaps retiring to indulge some hypocrisy or other; for to him, the veneer of his life, much as he clings to it, fails to satiate his baser ‘manly’ instincts. Thus he dons his traditional hunting garb, mounts a horse saddled-up by one of many servile minions, and with the aid of perhaps thirty of his kind, and a similar number of hounds, proceeds to gallop off in pursuit of any timid and sensitive fox, for it is they, as we all know, that represent the greatest threat to humankind, what with their irrational animal compulsion to eat. The well-bred British Manly-Man, far from recognising his bloodlust, congratulates himself and his kind for the service thus provided, in the process claiming to have protected both the countryside (which he owns and controls with an iron fist), and tradition (which only he and his kind maintain). He may very well indulge a range of other hypocrisies, sexual deviancy being one of the most preferred amongst the well-bred, and if at all possible, this should be executed within a strictly incestuous relationship, as ‘keeping it in the family’ is a value cherished above all others.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hariod, that’s a well said and insightful description of the well-bred English bastard I’ve heard tell of, and of their Manly-Man fox hunts. Such bravery. And think not unlike the bravery of their North American oft inbred redneck counterpart. Although higher in social order, their fundamental mentalities seem much the same. Perhaps it’s in the genes that came across from Britain to this land and home of the brave. They should get together sometime, these two, for a cold one, sing Kumbaya and swap man-hugs as they tell tall tales of their Manly-Man exploits, then call for a hunt. Brits vs. Yanks, for I’m reasonably certain that after a few drinks they’d find the other despicable and willing to tell the other such. It should, unlike anything they’ve ever done, be an evenly matched hunt, thus sporting. But we’d need neutral ground to host the event, one free of any wildlife. A baking hot desert should do nicely, let the heat simmer inflated egos and tiny pea brains; and that other diminutive thingy they’re compensating for.

      Thank you, Hariod, loved your comment. Peace.

      Oh, one more thing, as to ‘keeping it in the family’ perhaps you’ve heard this redneck joke: “If a redneck divorces his wife, is she still his sister?”

      Liked by 2 people

  2. The world needs more real men like yourself and others who have the courage to live their lives in nonviolence and pursue happiness that isn’t at the expense of other living beings. Peace to you, my manly friend.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. I find these manly men quite frightening, when I’m not laughing at them. Like my ex-neighbor’s grown son, who at age 48 still lives with mom and drives a Giant Truck raised up way high, with his personalized license plate that says “MINZBIG”.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Dear Peter.
    Thank you for this illuminating piece!
    Be glad that you do NOT live in the hinder lands of Florida.
    It is Hell out here!
    Whoever said that ignorance is bliss has never been here!
    We are surrounded by it.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Very insightful and great and making your points. Curious if you’ve seen the movie Mad Max and your thoughts on the debate going on about whether or not the film emasculates men. I feel like it does the total opposite- expands beyond the stereotypes you mention above. I do believe the old idea of manly men is such an insult really to the fullness that men are and can be.

    Liked by 1 person

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