Peter, I wish you were here to comfort, encourage.

But you are not, are you? I am alone, so very terribly alone.

This world Peter, you’d hope never see. These people here, how they look at life as if it were a blessing, beautiful and wondrous, magical and mystical, a gift from some fantastical god some will smile and tell you. But as for me, I remain prisoner to no illusion. Condemned and powerless, sentenced to a world skillfully wrought of deceptions, where I teeter upon the brink of insanity, mere steps beyond humanity where all becomes clear, so very damnably clear.

I know you won’t answer this letter, even if you wished; such is the penalty of my crime forgotten. But you must know, Peter, I want you to know, they tried to reform me. There in my youth, in their schools, their churches, in my work, throughout my life they effort tirelessly, hoping one day I become as they. And in so many ways, I wish I had. If only I had, I’d not be writing you now, thinking all is perfectly well. But all is not well, Peter. Oh, I’m okay, fear not for that. But the others here, the creatures forever held inferior. And all the suffering and oppression that inferiority carries is their burden to bear, alone. While the ramifications of indifference weigh heavy on this world.

And nothing I do will relieve this.

As nothing I say can ever change this.

This is my last letter to you, Peter. I’ll not write again, so until my freedom, fare you well.

Yours truly,


* Thanks to Sonmi for acquainting me with Cloud Atlas – Sextet, repurposed here for which this Letter to Myself would never have came.


  1. Gosh, doesn’t the music render the reading so much the more dramatic? She really is clever that atlas-reading cloud-dweller girl. And you too of course Peter, for having wrought this private message, and conceived of such a method of reflectivity. A one to one; strictly entre-toi. A part of me wants to know more about this ‘crime forgotten’, yet thinks the better of it; though I doubt somehow it was so egregious.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Ah yes, the music, it does set the mood, eh. And the crime, well I don’t know what the crime was. But it could have been egregious, who knows. It preceded this life, sentencing me to this temporal existence. Or so is one of the many fanciful ways I imagine our tenancy here.

      Thank you, Hariod.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Just so as you know Peter, I read your piece four times as the music looped; it really made the experience somehow cinematic – not quite the right word, but you know what I mean. I think it is a marvellous idea to set certain blog texts to music, although of course, it would be a complete flop with my own dryly prosaic offerings.

        As to past lives, then a nun once assured me that in previous times I had been an exotic dancer out in Siamese Far-East Asia, a man-teaser with tassels on my nipples; and my home town of Glastonbury is overrun with reincarnate King Arthur’s, Uther Pendragon’s, lots and lots of Guinevere’s and a fair few Merlin’s to boot.

        Liked by 3 people

        1. A nun you say. How very interesting. Tassels on the nipples, I mean. And perhaps maybe you were an exotic dancer. Yes, I think that quite the possibility. Being that you are now a wordsmith extraordinaire. The two do complement one the other. If you think on that a moment, you’ll see it’s so very true.

          How many it seem, who believe in reincarnation fancy themselves once famous, infamous, or great. Me, I was just an impudent witch, a poor farmer, a love stricken solder, a lowly pig, and now this, an impersonator of poetry and prose.

          I shall hold an ear open for the proper tune to complement your work. (For which I am making progress, so you know, busy as the summer has kept me. Your work has made a difference in my life, my contentedness. It’s true. However, contentedness doesn’t write well for me, and so at times, I must revert to my original form.)

          Again, many thanks, Hariod.

          Liked by 2 people

  2. Deeply sad, Peter, and yet I know you will continue to speak for those who cannot, and you will keep trying to find ways to convey your crucial message in ways people can understand – with words, music, and new technology. Please remember you are not alone in the virtual network of people whose lives you touch profoundly.

    Liked by 5 people

  3. I agree with Carol that this letter is sad. But there are others who are not conditioned and who balk at the system. We can all support each other while attempting to gently “wake” up others because they will not like something blatantly in their faces. I wish for you to be able to write another letter later in life expressing your love and happiness in the knowledge of knowledge. We cannot be “sheeple” just following along with the masses. I wish you well and many blessings!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Hello Barbara! Funny you should say that. Just this morning as I lay in bed on this Labor Day holiday, daylight through the window, trees lining the horizon of a blue / white sky, I wished as I had many times before, to be able to write something expressing love and happiness. Always I failed. But perhaps you’ve hit on something here, the love and happiness in the knowledge of knowledge. We shall see.

      Thank you, Barbara, peace to you and yours.

      Liked by 3 people

  4. Hariod is quite right, the music fits the letter perfectly, and I can see how one came from the other, the link – the links, the connected… some of those who fit into that particular bracket sit right here, in this comment thread. We live, we learn, we love, we tear and are torn in turn, and we do all of that so much more successfully, as V.J says – with a terrible beauty’, alight inside ourselves , which shines out to the life that exists around us, if we employ awareness and contentedness at the same time.

    This specific piece of music cuts me up a thousand times in it’s exquisite tragedy. I absolutely love it. Thank you Peter.

    (Hariod – read the book, it has a billion more facets to it than the film, and should be seen first without doubt.(

    sonmi upon the Cloud

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I found the combination of music and words very moving, but impossible to “Like”. I read twice and was still unable to hit that button which sometimes seems so inappropriate.
    Then I read some of your exchange with Hariod and ended up in quite a different mood. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s