Thanksgiving Day 2015

A White Thanksgiving, the Norman Rockwell way where celery seem the only vegetable.
I’m dreaming of a white Thanksgiving, in the Norman Rockwell tradition where fruits are gathered around as well as on the table, and roasted flesh is served as the main course.

The Hollow Hallow Tradition of Thanksgiving

By hell, here we are again my friends, family, cohorts, loyal wife, sweet ‘n sexy sister-in-law, Bubba J, Betty-Jo, and lil’ Bubba T — get that finger outta your nose boy — all gathered together for yet another splendid Thanksgiving Day. A time when millions of imprisoned, tortured, and mercilessly plucked and decapitated turkeys grace the loving tables of Mr. and Ms. Goodfolk all across this wondrous land of bilk and money milk and honey; from sea to shining radioactive sea.

Few are the ways we dutiful subjects of Eminent Empire can better express our fondness and appreciation for the Spirit of Thanksgiving than in the sacrificial consumption of a genetically modified, holy wholly innocent winged creature. Thereby honoring the time-honored genocide of them godless savage red-skin occupiers of this our grate great nation.

Now before we sit down and put knife to the roasted flesh of this once enlivened spirit, mimicking our esteemed forefathers as they physically and metaphorically put knife in the back of those they so admirably hornswoggled — a con by the way that carries well unto this day — let us bow our heads and offer the Almighty a mere spit of our gratitude.

Dude, thank you for creating us white men in your likeness, a superior and conquering gender, race, and species that we might enslave and subjugate the world and all its inhabitants with a heavy and unrelenting hand — as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily connivance. Lead us not into compassion, but deliver us from morality. Amen.

Now, let us feed upon the flesh of this innocent fowl that we might feed the foul that dwells within our flesh.

— But goddamn if football ain’t on!

Fetch me a Budweiser, bitch. And bring me both ’em turkey legs.


Hey! Turkeys would rather you snuggle them, you know.

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Author: Peter Schreiner

Ethical Vegan, Idealistic Anarchist and Practicing Nonconformist, Amateur Writer, Prolific Dreamer, Hardcore Misanthrope

27 thoughts on “Thanksgiving Day 2015”

  1. You can blame all this on we English you know, Henry VIII in particular. Still, it was you Americans that started the whole turkey thing; why, I have no idea – you’re supposed to just offer a sheaf of corn to the fertility gods, then watch the match.

    Liked by 5 people

  2. It was those darn Puritan Pilgrims who started this whole shooting match [sic] — this one nation under God nonsense. The sheaf of corn offering is much more humane.

    Henry VIII, must of been quite the man. Yeah, sure he was. Who was it that sung a song about him . . . be right back.

    Hermans Hermits. Lol. I don’t think it the same Henry though. But what’s it matter. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  3. I loved it Peter! I purposely don’t participate in the holidays for many reasons, too many to list here. As long as Americans involve themselves in tradition, we will sink faster. Great post! I think I will give thanks with some corn though. That sounds pretty good 🙂

    Liked by 5 people

  4. Brilliant and you know I agree with every single thing you said. Forty-five million turkey hearts stopped beating so humans could be thank for for THEIR OWN lives. Apparently their own lives are the only things that EVER matter.

    Liked by 5 people

  5. I try to publicize as many vegan recipes on Facebook as I can and some of my friends are trying them out! My policy is that every little bit helps. We can’t change them all to think like we do, but we can insinuate ideas into their subconscious and hope it will plant the seeds of change. Kat (Happy Vegan Thanksgiving!)

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Hot damn! If you didn’t wallop us one, I ain’t a connoisseur of champagne, and that I am! Peter, thank you for putting it out there AND how! Please know that at my house, no table will be laid with a big huge dead bird on it, stuffed and some more shit! There ain’t a piece of meat in sight and there won’t be. People don’t even have the sense ‘god’ gave a goat to know that if they stopped eating animals whether processed in plants or otherwise, they’d need less prescriptions.

    And read this!

    “E. coli tied to Costco more dangerous than Chipotle outbreak

    The strain of E. coli linked to Costco chicken salad that sickened 19 people in seven states is more likely to be life-threatening than a recent outbreak that closed some Chipotle restaurants in the Northwest.

    Health officials urged people who bought chicken salad at any U.S. Costco store on or before Friday to throw it away, even if no one has gotten sick.

    The strain of Shiga toxin-producing E. coli can be life-threatening, but no deaths have been reported. Five people have been hospitalized and two have developed a type of kidney failure, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said.”

    http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/e-coli-tied-to-costco-more-dangerous-than-chipotle-outbreak/ar-BBnr89W?li=BBnbfcL

    And you know what? I don’t have to worry about this because I refuse to eat what used to move! And I wash my veggies thoroughly before consuming them. I don’t have diabetes, heart problems, high cholesterol or high triglycerides; none of that mess. And Americans have the nerve to wonder why there is an obesity epidemic and they’re somewhere looking cross-eyed at a doctor over a new diagnosis. Big pharma’s laughing all the way to the bank!

    Once again, you nailed it Peter! Take your bow! I love it man!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Shelby! Your abstinence from animal flesh and your courage in the face of an overwhelming and carefully plotted systematic oppression are but two of your many admirable qualities. Recognizing the symbolic and historical connections between the plight of animals and the plight of people, particularly blacks and particularly in the US, but throughout the world – throughout history, is vital in the formation of peace for all. Not that I hold any hope that you and I will see peace in this lifetime, but perhaps the next. And come then, as now, I’m proud to be on your fighting side for truth, justice, and equality.

      May your enemies tremble at your feet and may you always enjoy good health and a powerful voice, aside your champagne.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. It’s a tradition in the land of the free
    To celebrate thanksgiving by eating turkey.
    On bended knee,
    Does one pray to the Almighty,
    Or slaughter a turkey?
    Both can’t be,
    It’s an absurdity.
    Murder obliterates the other instantly.
    If it by thy plea
    To give thanks sincerely:
    Do so by not turning your body into a cemetery.

    Liked by 4 people

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