Well damn, here we are my friends and family. And joining us again this year are Betty-Lu, Bubba-Joe, and ‘Lil Bubba-T. — Get that finger out of your nose boy, and pay attention. No! Don’t put that in your…too late.
As I was ’bout to say, here we are together again to celebrate yet another happy Turkey Day.
–What’s that ‘Lil Bubba-T? The turkey ain’t happy? No, I suspect she never was. But our bellies are ’bout to be.
Anyway, just shut-up and pay attention.
Now, again, as I was saying. It’s that time of year we offer our most humble gratitude to our Lord for bestowing our esteemed forefathers the grit needed to defeat them savage redskin occupiers of this our grate — sorry — I mean, great nation.
Now I ask Y’all. What better way to honor that genocidal season than to pluck from the flock a holy — damn, I mean wholly, innocent and vulnerable fowl, who having spent her entire life in wing-to-wing cramped and foul captivity only to have her innards yanked out her ass and thrown into the deep-fryer.
That reminds me.
Let’s thank the Almighty for the lesson we all learnt ’bout putting said frozen turkey into a kettle of hot boiling grease. By the way, Doc thinks Billy-Bob should be out of the coma and out of the hospital by this time next year. If all goes well. Say’s we should pray his ass grafts adhere to his face prim and proper like.
And speaking of praying, let’s all bow our heads and give our Maker a little spit of our appreciation. Shall we?
Thank you, Lord, for giving this here land of bilk and money, darn-it, I mean milk and honey to us white men, in Your image. And lead us not into– Oh shit! Football’s on. –Amen.
Bitch, fetch Bubba-Jo and me a Budweiser and bring one for ‘Lil Bubba-T so he can wash that taste out of his mouth.
And don’t forget them turkey legs!