Thanksgivin’

That glorious time of year when the trees stand barren and cold, the sky turns gray and dismal, and the gobblers and hens lose their heads. A holiday known to us rednecks, dregs, and assheads as Turkey Day. A day to offer prayer to the Almighty. Homage to the forefathers of our grate nation for their selfless sacrifice, shooin’ those godless savage redskins off our land. A day of beer, football, more beer, more football, and to stuff our gut full of fowl and its fixin’s. Maybe get a little shit-faced, grab our guns, get to the woods, and kill somethin’.

A time for family. Like all our Turkey Day traditions, me and my Mary-Lu (btw, don’t ask her ’bout the sunglasses, ain’t no good comes in remindin’ her of our little lover’s quarrel) are joined by her baby sister Betty-Lu, her hubby Bubba-Joe, and their ‘Lil Bubba T — though ‘Lil Bubba T ain’t so ‘Lil anymore. He’s gotten healthy, to put it politely. Real healthy. But still, he’s got the lithe to work that fat little finger overtime from nose to mouth like there ain’t no meat on the table.

Anyhows, what I wants to tell Y’all is I wrote a special prayer for this special occasion. You feel free to use it. Took me several nights doin’, but I got ‘er done. Goes like this:

Dear Lord, thanks. Amen.

You see, that gets right to point, and it don’t waste no words. Ain’t nobody wants a long-winded sermon whilst their Butterball sits there coolin’ its gizzard. That’s one reason Pastor McDonald ain’t invited this year. Other is, him and Betty-Lu, they a… Well, let’s just say, they’ve been doing some Bible study while Bubba-Joe’s workin’ the graveyard shift down at the slaughterhouse. Going over some of that Old Testament stuff, if you know what I mean. 😉 lol Yep, best just keep Sodom and Gomorrah in separate counties.

Here’s wishin’ all my rednecks a happy Turkey Day. See ya at the Walmart come Friday mornin’. Funny thing though, if you think ’bout it, them’s callin’ it Black Friday when it puts most us in the red. I don’t get it. Guess I ain’t suppose to.

Think I’ll get me a bigger TV, though.

21 Comments

        1. At least that was the original intent, I think. But there’s a lot of self buying goes with it. The crowds can be horrendous. It’s an evolved tradition appealing to a specific segment of the population who either wake up early to be at the stores before they open or camp out at the doors the night before.

          Liked by 2 people

          1. I think I get what you mean by “a specific segment of the population”. It’s horrible to see their unthinking avarice manipulated in such an ugly way. There are some people who truly don’t have enough, but they will seldom be amongst those crowds.

            Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Katrina, Thanksgiving is always the 4th Thursday in November. Had the Nov 1 fallen on a Thursday the date would have been the 22nd. For what it’s worth, stores start shelving T-day stuff along with Halloween stuff — around the 1st of October. 🙂
      Happy Sunday afternoon!!

      Liked by 2 people

  1. You got some pretty funny turkey stories, Peter! My grandson is the only totally vegetarian in family. I’m mostly veggie myself, out of love for untormented animals. Fixing a big thick veggie soup.

    ________________________________

    Liked by 2 people

  2. The best, most accurate, most entertaining and fowlest T(Turkey/Touchdown)-Day tale I have ever read. The facts under the fat, so to speak.
    Thanksgiving Day is phony (with a capital F), gets its history wrong in every detail and every footnote in order to celebrate the national ignorance of our genuine history — genocide from sea to shining sea.
    Climate catastrophe is certain and imminent. Our action plan: waste more, want more. Waste yet more, want yet more.
    Dear Lord, I want even more. Amen.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. That’s a busy time of year for you over there, then. Halloween (which has also migrated over here, but done in a half-arsed kind of way compared to you guys), Thanksgiving, and then Christmas and New Year. So, families get together for both Thanksgiving AND Christmas? That’s a big ask for peace and goodwill – lol!

    Yes, a warm but windy Sunday arvo here at the mo 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I’m wondering how much NewZealandese resembles Strine, presuming that “arvo” is afternoon and “mo” is moment — you don’t even have to add the “o” in that case 🙂
    German does it the other way around, truncating the left side of a word — Guten Abend becomes ‘nAbend.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. NewZillin-ese (we New Zealanders aren’t very good at pronouncing New Zealand properly 🙂 ) is indeed similar to Strine in that respect. We also swap lingo a bit, but the Strines do tend to have more colloquialisms than we do. Fun fact about German truncation 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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