Thanksgiving 2019

Thanksgivin’

That glorious time of year when the trees stand barren and cold, the sky turns gray and dismal, and the gobblers and hens lose their heads. A holiday known to us rednecks, dregs, and assheads as Turkey Day. A day to offer prayer to the Almighty. Homage to the forefathers of our grate nation for their selfless sacrifice, shooin’ those godless savage redskins off our land. A day of beer, football, more beer, more football, and to stuff our gut full of fowl and its fixin’s. Maybe get a little shit-faced, grab our guns, get to the woods, and kill somethin’.

A time for family. Like all our Turkey Day traditions, me and my Mary-Lu (btw, don’t ask her ’bout the sunglasses, ain’t no good comes in remindin’ her of our little lover’s quarrel) are joined by her baby sister Betty-Lu, her hubby Bubba-Joe, and their ‘Lil Bubba T — though ‘Lil Bubba T ain’t so ‘Lil anymore. He’s gotten healthy, to put it politely. Real healthy. But still, he’s got the lithe to work that fat little finger overtime from nose to mouth like there ain’t no meat on the table.

Anyhows, what I wants to tell Y’all is I wrote a special prayer for this special occasion. You feel free to use it. Took me several nights doin’, but I got ‘er done. Goes like this:

Dear Lord, thanks. Amen.

You see, that gets right to point, and it don’t waste no words. Ain’t nobody wants a long-winded sermon whilst their Butterball sits there coolin’ its gizzard. That’s one reason Pastor McDonald ain’t invited this year. Other is, him and Betty-Lu, they a… Well, let’s just say, they’ve been doing some Bible study while Bubba-Joe’s workin’ the graveyard shift down at the slaughterhouse. Going over some of that Old Testament stuff, if you know what I mean. 😉 lol Yep, best just keep Sodom and Gomorrah in separate counties.

Here’s wishin’ all my rednecks a happy Turkey Day. See ya at the Walmart come Friday mornin’. Funny thing though, if you think ’bout it, them’s callin’ it Black Friday when it puts most us in the red. I don’t get it. Guess I ain’t suppose to.

Think I’ll get me a bigger TV, though.